Chapter 5: Debut Team Audition (3)
There was only one day left until the debut group audition, so the competition among trainees to secure a spot in the practice room intensified with each passing moment.
The usually noisy dorm was eerily empty. Feeling that every moment spent in the dormitory was time lost, everyone chose to rest somewhere within the company building and resumed their practice after short breaks. Every available space, whether it be parks, conference rooms, and even the seldom-used Practice Room B, had trainees filling them as they devoted themselves to their practice.
I settled on the second-floor emergency exit as my practice space. After all, it didn't matter where I practiced as long as I had some space and my phone.
"Phew, it's hot."
Though the emergency exit was cooler than the main practice room, beads of sweat still trickled down my forehead. After completing only three sets of dance, I already felt exhausted. This made me wonder about my level of dedication as a nineteen-year-old trainee.
‘Now, it makes sense that I was given a sub position and fewer parts in the debut song.’
Reflecting upon it, I felt there wasn't much to complain about.
As I was about to sit on the stairs to catch my breath, Lee Jin-Sung suddenly peered through the door.
"Hey, hyung."
"What’s up? Heading to eat?"
"No, Supervisor Kim is asking for everyone to gather up."
Jin-Sung stepped into the emergency exit. I was about to head out after picking up my jacket, but Jin-Sung suddenly stood in front of me with hesitation.
"Why? Are you not leaving?" I asked.
"No, I need to have a quick chat with you."
Without waiting for my response, Jin-Sung sat on the stairs and tugged on my hoodie.
"What is it? Let's wrap it up and go."
Had we ever had a private chat during our trainee days? We were friends, sure, but setting aside time for a private conversation wasn’t something we did often.
As I sat beside him, Jin-Sung spoke cautiously.
"You're using ‘Goblin’ for both dance and vocal items, right?"
"Yeah."
"Should I do the same? Doing vocals separately feels tough."
"Do you think you can handle both?"
Jin-Sung shook his head and looked defeated. There was no confidence in him, a stark contrast to his demeanor while dancing. This was no surprise. While he possessed a natural talent for dance, his singing was subpar, to the point where even I found it disappointing. Of course, he improved over time after debut, but that was a matter for after the debut.
"You can stick to the basics. You're probably going to make it anyway."
"What basics? What if they think I'm not trying?"
Jin-Sung began to sing softly.
"Go somewhere else if you're going to sing. Why here?"
"Hey, you are so mean.”
Jin-Sung grumbled as he stood up.
"Hyung, I will help you with stretching, so can you maybe check out my singing?"
"Me?"
"You always sing songs that are similar, but you sing well. Please help me out."
That was a subtle dig. Pretending not to hear, I got up and bent forward to stretch. As I did, Jin-Sung came up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders to push me further.
“Ouch!”
“You are still quite stiff, aren’t you?”
Jin-Sung applied his full weight onto me, causing my upper body to bow deeply. My legs and waist naturally wobbled. Just as he forcibly bent me into this position, he started to sing.
“Hello, it’s me. How is everything? Are you doing well~?”
“Ah! Are you crazy!? Don’t sing right into my ear!”
Jin-Sung audaciously belted his song right into my ear. In the past, I used to offer him a few words of advice when I saw him trying hard. Hence, it seemed that he was taking this opportunity to get a genuine critique.
“Help me out a bit. Why am I suddenly not improving?”
“There is no other way except practicing. It is strange if you don’t improve after continuously listening to and practicing the same song for days.”
“But I have not improved.”
In truth, it was not just a few days. I had been applying techniques I learned over several years. Jin-Sung, looking quite desperate, clung to me persistently. Even though we had done sufficient stretching, he kept pressing on my back while singing. Moreover, he wasn’t even singing his audition piece but rather his go-to karaoke track.
I shook off Lee Jin-Sung’s hand and got up straight.
"Enough. You're not bad at singing."
"My vocal evaluations are always rated D."
"You don't need to be the main vocalist. You are a good dancer, so you don't need to excel at singing."
He looked hurt by my words.
"So, are you telling me to give up on singing?"
I wasn't implying that. But it was not like Jin-Sung would give up just because someone said so.
I pressed on Jin-Sung's forehead as he rubbed his temples out of annoyance.
"Relax your throat when you sing. You are straining it because you are trying too hard."
"...Ah."
Jin-Sung had picked a simple song with no high notes. Although he had chosen it because he was aware of his skill level, he kept making mistakes because he tried too hard every time. I vaguely recalled offering him similar advice in the past.
Then, a voice echoed from the hallway, calling for us. I then put my earphones in my pocket and stood up.
"See? We didn't have time for a long chat. Let's go."
"Okay!"
Jin-Sung looked immensely grateful, even though I hadn’t provided any profound advice.
"If I have issues in the future, can I ask you again, hyung?"
"...Sure."
Although helping him was a tad bit bothersome, I considered Jin-Sung a potential future group member. Helping him didn't seem like a waste when thinking about our future together.
***
“You guys are late.”
Supervisor Kim grumbled at our belated entrance.
“I am sorry for being late.”
Feeling the weight of the gazes directed at us, we apologized and took the last available seats.
“Is everyone here now?”
“Yes.”
“Tomorrow is finally the day of the debut team audition. Everyone is well-prepared, right?”
No one answered his question. Although everyone was practicing tirelessly, some even without sleep, none of us was certain that we would do well.
“Those who have been practicing with CDs, bring them in a USB by tomorrow morning. If you don’t have one, come to the office. We have extra USBs.”
‘It is finally tomorrow.’
Despite having experienced this once before, the sensation felt new and distinct. I couldn't think of it as a repetition of the past, given that I was striving for bigger goals than my old self.
"Why are you all looking so tense? You all prepared hard, so expect good results. It's not your last chance anyway, so just relax."
"Ah, I'm seriously so nervous."
Watching the trainees making a fuss, Supervisor Kim shook his head.
"If you are nervous, you won't do well. And, I'm sorry to say this, but tomorrow, the CEO will also be present."
"What?! Why?"
"...What?"
‘The CEO attending the audition? What the heck?’
I perked up, not expecting to hear this. To my recollection, the CEO had never attended a debut team audition. Unless my memory failed me, I had never seen the CEO during my time as a YMM trainee.
Amidst the chaos and confusion of this new information, I happened to meet eyes with Supervisor Kim. Ignoring the other trainees huddled in front, he fixed his gaze, no, glared intently at me, even though I was sitting at the far back.
"...Maybe he just wants to take a look."
I lowered my gaze, evading Supervisor Kim's piercing stare. I could sense that I might be the trainee the CEO was interested in.
***
It was the day of the debut team audition. As I and my fellow members reached the company, we were greeted by an unmistakably tense atmosphere. I tried to relax my tense shoulders and plugged my earphones in.
‘Don't be nervous.’
I knew the result anyway, and only the position would change. Instead of being anxious, it would be more beneficial for me to go over the modified choreography.
This audition would be an adventure for both the nineteen-year-old Suh Hyun-Woo and the twenty-four-year-old me. After all the effort, I had to see a rewarding result.
"I'm going crazy, seriously."
Sitting next to me, Goh Yoo-Joon murmured. He had been playing joyfully with the other trainees until late last night. But now, even he was repeatedly watching his dance video with his lips tightly pressed.
"Ha..."
His nervousness was contagious and my heart started pounding fast. I closed my eyes as I hoped the choreography would work as intended. Just like that, trainees were continuously entering the audition room, getting their spirits crushed, and leaving.
Whether they performed well or poorly in the audition, it was rare for trainees to receive praise. However, never had they expected to face such harsh criticism during the debut team audition, the one they had put the most effort into preparing for.
"Maybe I should quit being a trainee."
The trainees facing the debut team audition were all A-grade members. Thus, it was likely hard for these kids, who usually only heard praise elsewhere, to accept such brutally frank feedback.
'Then again, I passed the audition back then, and they still criticized me pretty harshly.'
During the monthly evaluations, trainers would simply give scores without comments. But for this audition, they didn't hold back their critiques.
"You seem to lack passion, you always choose similar songs. Is that all you know?"
"To be honest, it looks like you don't want to debut. You've been here for ten years with no ambition. Why?"
"I don't know if you can stand out and secure a position with that attitude."
I remember being devastated for almost a week after hearing those critiques. I later learned when I became a trainer that they intentionally gave brutally honest feedback on such important days to give trainees a reason to push themselves harder.
"Hyung, suddenly, I feel something stuck in my throat, what should I do?"
"Relax your shoulders. It's not your throat. You are just nervous... Ah!"
Jin-Sung and Goh Yoo-Joon kept rambling to alleviate their nervousness. Even someone experienced like me was this nervous, so I could only imagine how the others felt.
"It will be fine."
I took a deep breath as I mumbled to myself. No matter how favorable my position was, my nervousness still was as intense as in the past. I knew I had practiced hard and, though it might sound conceited, I had a solid plan. As long as I didn't make a mistake, I knew I could do well. But then…
"…I am screwed. Shoot.”
I could not grasp any of the songs playing through the earphones. Just then, the audition room’s door opened, and the members of the early morning team came out with gloomy expressions.
“Hey, how’s the atmosphere inside?”
“It’s harsh as hell. No joke.”
“Brace yourself before you go in. They’re brutal.”
Goh Yoo-Joon and his friends from the early morning class whispered among themselves. As they were about to share more about the situation inside, Supervisor Kim intervened, separating the trainees and pushing Joo-Han and Goh Yoo-Joon into the audition room.
“Next, come inside.”
The auditions started for Joo-Han, Goh Yoo-Joon, and some trainees of the afternoon session.
“Are you not nervous?” Lee Jin-Sung asked me as he peeked at the audition room through the transparent glass window.
“Of course I am. Isn’t that natural?”
“You don’t seem like it at all. In fact, you suddenly seem relaxed.”
“Nah.”
“Well, since you have practiced so hard… That makes sense.”
Despite my outwardly calm appearance, I was as nervous as Lee Jin-Sung, even though I was certain of passing. Joo-Han, Goh Yoo-Joon, and Lee Jin-Sung were all carrying the agency’s high expectations, so it was no wonder they would pass. To everyone’s surprise though, Park Yoon-Chan, whom everyone thought would fail, somehow managed to pass as well. Thinking of this, I wondered if I was trying too hard to change the already-determined positions.
‘I should get out of the sub position, and ideally…’
…Was Goh Yoo-Joon the center in the past debut album? I sneakily glanced inside the audition room and played the song again.
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