I dashed toward the bedroom and pushed away the couch that was blocking the door.

‘So-Yeon, So-Yeon!’

I could only think about her lovely face. I didn’t care about my current circumstances. I had to know if she was okay. I moved the couch out of the way, and the bedroom door slowly opened. I found myself looking into So-Yeon’s face, her expression full of fear. She was standing still as a rock, clearly shocked to see me.

‘Sweetie…’

Thankfully, she was alive. Feeling relieved, I stumbled towards her, feeling as though I might fall over at any second. However, she turned around and went straight back into the closest. I had no clue why she had gone back into hiding once more. I had no idea what was going on.

‘Why is she running away? Why is she running away from me?’

I stood in front of the closet and called her name in a soothing voice.

“Grr… Grr.”

I paused.

‘Wait… Is this my voice? I swear I said ‘Daddy’s right here’.’

All I could hear was a disturbing throat-rending sound.

I couldn’t open the closet door. Then, it hit me. I finally realized what I had become. I slowly walked toward the bathroom. I knew that my heart wasn’t beating anymore… but that didn’t necessarily prove my suspicions correct, did it? I was scared. I couldn’t stop thinking about the worst-case scenario.

As I looked into the mirror, my body began to shake uncontrollably. It was getting harder to breathe. I couldn’t see straight. An unexplainable rage rose up within me.

“GRR!!”

I let out a throat-rending scream and smashed the mirror. I could see my face through the broken glass. A pale, cold piece of meat, still and unmoving. My lips were blue. My eyes were bloodshot. I was in utter denial. I wished desperately that it was all a dream. But there was no way out. This was my reality now. I was just a monster that should’ve died.

* * *

I wondered how many days had passed. It had been a couple of days since we’d run out of food. We didn’t even have water, and I needed to get some for So-Yeon.

I went out onto the streets each day, heading to nearby supermarkets and convenience stores. I wasn’t doing it for myself. It was for So-Yeon. She was still very much alive, and she needed food and water to survive.

“Grr!”

As soon as I emerged with the food and water that I needed, one of ‘them’ started screaming at me.

“Grr!”

I screamed right back at it. It turned away, mistaking me as one of ‘them’. Ever since I’d started acting like one of ‘them’, ‘they’ didn’t see me as prey. ‘They’ took me as an unusual one of ‘them’ that moved during the day.

At first, I had been worried about heading outside. But it wasn’t long before I realized that the other creatures had let their guard down when it came to my presence. I felt that I had been accepted as one of ‘them’.

‘I got some water and canned food… I wonder if it will be okay to cook some ramen?’

I went through my grocery cart again.

Skrunch.

The sudden sound of footsteps made me hunch over instinctively.

‘Oh…’

My body still retained its human instincts.

Within seconds, the fear, despair, and nervousness I felt when confronted by ‘them’ threatened to overtake me. The fear coursed through me for a minute, but then I realized that I had nothing to be afraid of anymore. I was now a predator in this damned world. I just happened to be a mutant that had the ability to think despite being in this body. I had no reason to be afraid of any attackers, or anyone that made a sound. The survivors were the ones who should have been afraid of me.

A sudden noise interrupted my train of thought. I turned toward the sound. It seemed to have come from a convenience store with broken windows. I walked over slowly and inspected the interior. I expected a creature to be inside, but instead, I saw a person’s foot, quivering. This was probably a survivor who had heard me, and had quickly hidden in the staffroom. However, this individual’s foot had been caught between the doors, leaving them wedged open, unable to close.

The individual didn’t move an inch, apparently sensing my presence. I saw that it was a woman’s foot, and that she was wearing beige flats. I bit my lip and walked toward her.

Sob…

I heard her sniffling as I approached the staffroom. She was terrified. I could tell that she knew that she couldn’t make a sound, and was desperately trying to keep her tears in. I knew that I would terrify her if I appeared in front of her.

I let out a sigh and gave her foot a nudge. She quickly pulled her foot inside, but the door did not move at all. It seemed like she didn’t have enough courage to shut the door.

I took a quick look around the store. All the previously-frozen food had gone bad because of the weather. I didn’t see any water as well. As I stood there, I heard noises coming from the staffroom.

‘Are there more survivors? She might not be the only one.’

I wasn’t sure how many survivors were in the staffroom, but I had no doubt that they were starving. I kneeled down and took out water, along with three cans of food and pushed them through the door. Deep down, I wanted to leave them with a warning: ‘Don’t end up getting bitten like me, please.’

But I had no way of communicating with them using language. I could only let out that horrendous cry. It was best that I keep my mouth shut.

In a few moments, I saw a skinny hand reach out for the water and canned food. Relieved, I took a deep breath.

“Thank… Thank you.”

I heard them thank me after a little while. I smiled gently and quietly closed the staffroom door. Even though my heart wasn’t beating, my mind was still very much alive. I was thinking and acting like a human being. I didn’t need to hunt down on survivors, as this dead body of mine did not feel hunger.

I had recently observed something. ‘They’ did not have to hunt humans because of hunger. I had seen ‘them’ at night, vomiting out the human flesh they had eaten during the day. ‘They’ had no digestive systems. Their digestive systems were either paralyzed or no longer working. ‘They’ took pleasure in hunting and slaughter.

The transformation process took about 30 minutes once an individual was bitten, unless their head had been bitten off. It didn’t matter if you lost an arm or leg, or even both… As long as your brain wasn’t damaged, you would turn into one of ‘them’.

I’d figured this out when I came across a little boy, around the age of five, with no arms. The little child, so used to whining to his mom, had transformed into one of ‘them’. I let out a deep sigh and made my way back. The sun was starting to set. I couldn’t stop thinking of how hungry So-Yeon would be.

* * *

I came back to the living room, which was swarming with flies. I brushed off some dirt, took a hard swallow, and knocked on the bedroom door.

Knock, knock.

I heard some footsteps from inside. So-Yeon slowly opened the door. Ever since my death, I never got to see her smile. She looked at me blankly. Her eyes showed no signs of hope. I couldn’t bear to approach her. All I could do was leave the groceries in front of the door. I smiled as much as I could.

‘Eat as much as you want sweetie.’

“Grr…”

I could only make this irritating sound. She showed little reaction as she took the groceries inside. She must’ve gotten used to my growling. She closed the door with no hesitation. I stood there blankly, looking at the closed door.

‘I want to spend more time with her, I want to be next to her.’

But I could no longer pat her head or feel her warmth. I scratched my neck and headed toward the couch. The couch was no longer a couch. Every part of it was torn. I recalled all the memories So-Yeon and I had made on this couch. I sat down and stared blankly into space.

There was nothing but a pitch-black television screen in front of me. I caught a reflection of myself, and couldn’t help but smirk. As I looked at my reflection, I pictured myself in a movie. I was the main character of this tragic movie, and nobody knew when or how it would end.

“Grr…”

I let out a cry. I cried because I could not believe that all this wasn't a dream. I couldn’t accept this as my reality. However, all I could do was emit this wordless and disturbing cry. Just what was this emotion? Did it come from my heart?

‘But I’m clearly dead, aren’t I?’

I wondered if this strange feeling was being driven by the memories I’d made when I still had emotions. Despite everything, though, there was one thing that I knew was true. I knew my curious self was dead. Yes, the person inside me was dead. With this dead body of mine, I made my daily trip to the supermarket. If I had to express my feelings in one phrase… I would have said that I felt like shit. I didn’t know what I had to do to get rid of this feeling. I just hated myself.

* * *

As night fell, my mind grew clearer. I didn’t have to sleep, nor did I feel any fatigue.

‘How nice it would have been if I’d been this way while still human.”

I would’ve made tons of money, and led a successful life. Or I might have gone crazy. Who knew?

I looked out across the silent city. I used to look outside to figure ‘them’ out, but now, I was looking for survivors. I only had one goal—finding survivors. It wasn’t to save them or protect them from evil. I was no hero. I was desperate to find them for the sake of So-Yeon’s future.

I knew I could keep her alive if I kept on giving her food while she stayed in the bedroom. But I wasn’t sure how much longer we would be able to do this.

‘Until she died? Or till my head gets blown off?’

I knew that all this would end eventually, and in order for her to grow up as a proper human being, she had to be with the right kind of survivors. Right now, I felt as though I was raising her as livestock, rather than keeping her alive. I was feeding her while keeping her inside a cage. I couldn’t help but see her situation as complete and utter torture for her.

I wished that she could live amongst people. I also knew that, if that were to happen, I might not be able to see her anymore. But if that was the only future for her, I would suffer the pain and let her go. I would keep her forever in my heart instead.

The image of her beaming floated into my consciousness, and I smiled. She was looking at me, not with the eyes she had now, but with eyes that glittered, like the ripples on the surface of a calm and peaceful lake. It was surely a beautiful moment, one I dearly missed. I wanted to put a smile on her face again.

If there was a way to do so… I would go through hell to make it possible.