Volume 1

55 The Return Journey

I know I’m not fickle-minded but, Gao Qi, neither have I ever forgotten that I was the murderer who killed you. Even if I have no recollection of that moment, I could still remember the wave of panic and helplessness when I first saw Gaoqin Jiuye. I can’t define it exactly… Just like how I feel towards you, Gao Qi.

Those numerous meetings atop our school roof when you—the popular you, who captured everybody’s attention—would willingly give me the time of day just to listen quietly as I recited Faust. I was barely audible even to myself.

“The demon Mephisto said, ‘this world is an abyss of misery and it will never change.’”

Gao Qi, if you’re still here… Would you remember that day? You tilted your head and all the warmth of the sky melted in your eyes. You smiled at me, then said, “Ah Shen, if this world’s really just an abyss of misery, what do you think is the most miserable of all?”

I don’t blush, not even when you looked at me with that smile of yours but I would drop my gaze timidly, as though direct eye contact with you was enough to swallow my sight. It...