Chapter 1: Turning Back In Time (1)
My manager appeared hesitant after calling me into YMM Entertainment's large meeting room.
"We've given it serious thought over the past two months..."
"Yes."
A bitter smile crept upon my face as I observed my manager's troubled expression. Although my lips were barely moving because they were grotesquely stuck to my skin, he seemed to grasp my bitterness as he let out a deep sigh.
"Hyun-Woo."
"Am I leaving?"
"...Sigh. I'm really sorry."
A decade of effort vanished in an instant, but I calmly nodded. I had already braced myself, so there was no sudden surge of anger.
"It's not your fault."
After all, no agency would debut someone with scars covering half their face. I knew it was impossible, but I still stayed, holding on to a foolish hope. Now, I assumed that my chance to debut had gone down the drain.
Although I had spent a full decade as a trainee at YMM Entertainment, I wasn't particularly remarkable, so I didn’t enjoy any special treatment. I simply managed to scrape through the end-of-the-month evaluations with my mediocre skills until I made it to the debut group.
However, the thrill of being in the debut group waned in less than two months. It all changed about two months ago, on the day of our group profile photo shoot.
"Hey! Get out of there!"
During our group photo session, an unstable chandelier suddenly crashed down from above one of our group members, Lee Jin-Sung.
"Shoot."
Instinctively, I pushed Jin-Sung out of harm's way. Jin-Sung had always been following me, calling me ‘hyung[1]’ and listening to me very well.
In that split second, the lights and chandelier crashed down onto my face, marking the end of my trainee life. On that fateful day, I not only lost my face but also saw my dream shatter to pieces.
***
"Hyun-Woo, we are so sorry. Regarding the compensation..."
BANG!
The door swung open, and Lee Jin-Sung stormed in, his eyes bloodshot and filled with rage.
"Hyung, have you lost your mind?" Jin-Sung glared at the manager with the same force he used to open the door. "You're telling someone who’s trained for ten years to leave? The accident was the company's fault."
"Jin-Sung, get out!" the manager said.
"You're being irresponsible! Hyung, say something!"
While the manager and Jin-Sung argued, I found myself unable to do anything other than lower my head. What could I possibly say in this situation? I wanted to stay, but I understood that my insistence wouldn't change the inevitable. After all, a facial burn was a death sentence for an idol.
I clenched my fists. For the first time since becoming a trainee, I had to make an important decision.
"Lee Jin-Sung."
When I called him, their argument came to a sudden halt, and both of their gazes shifted to me. My voice was resolute, each word dripping with anger.
"Don't be rude. Leave!"
"But hyung!"
Jin-Sung fumed, his expression asking if I was truly going to abandon everything in that very moment.
“I don’t want to debut with this face either. If even I am disgusted with my appearance, how do you think the public will perceive me? Leave right now. I need to talk to the manager.”
Jin-Sung looked shocked, clearly startled by my unusual outburst. As a result, the room was enveloped in silence.
Following that, I abruptly stood up and pushed Jin-Sung toward the door.
"Just listen to me for once—"
I shut the door on Jin-Sung, cutting him off. Jin-Sung didn't make any further commotion as he was shocked by my cold response. Seeing this scene, the manager let out a sigh and briefly glanced at the closed door before proceeding to take a seat.
"I'm truly sorry, Hyun-Woo. I know better than anyone how hard you've worked—"
“Hyung.”
I looked at the manager, who had noticeably lost weight in the past few months, and hung my head weakly. Comforting words felt distant and ineffective to me right now.
“What should I do now?” I asked, my voice tinged with a hint of helplessness.
For the past ten years, I had always assumed that I would debut one day, so I had locked myself in the practice room, leaving behind school, family, and friends. I did not know what to do besides singing and dancing. Now, everything started to blur as the future I had once dreamed of slowly faded away.
Yes, tears streamed down my face. Fate had dealt me such a cruel hand, and I was in misery.
“What should I do now…?”
Burn scars marred my face and scalp, and the fire had scorched away my hair. It wasn’t just the broadcasting world; no place would welcome someone with such an appearance. As a path that I had painstakingly built crumbled in mere seconds, tears became the only way to express my sadness.
“Hyun-Woo… We have thought about it…”
The manager handed me a tissue and cautiously continued.
“We have always recognized your talent. We know that this was our fault, and we want to take responsibility, so…”
The manager pushed a set of documents in front of me. With my vision blurred by tears, I made out the words 'Confidentiality Agreement' and 'Employment Contract.'
"…Employment contract?"
“You might not be debuting anymore…”
The manager paused for a moment. His face reddened, seemingly pained by the fact that my debut had fallen apart.
“But how about working as a trainer? A big agency is looking for one, and I recommended you.”
‘Trainer?’ I examined the contract more closely. It proposed hiring me as a vocal and dance instructor for C-grade trainees.
“You have the skills you honed for ten years. There's a salary, incentives… and…”
I barely heard what the manager added. I swiftly read through the contract and grabbed a pen from the table.
“I'll do it.”
“What?”
I didn’t have a choice now, so I quickly signed the papers. If I had been in better condition, perhaps I could’ve dramatically torn up the contract and stormed out. However, with a face that required lifelong treatment, the opportunity to work as a trainer was a relief. It'd be hard to find a better job even if I applied at an employment center.
“…Hyun-Woo, you seem so calm.”
“Do I look calm? I’m just accepting reality, hyung.”
It was the manager, not me, who regretfully looked at the hastily signed contract. I just twirled the pen in my hand, suddenly wanting to escape the room.
“Please pack my belongings from the dorm, hyung. I can't face the others right now.”
“Huh? Are you not going back to the dorm?”
“Why should I, when I'm no longer a debut member? I’ll go home for now. Please take care of it, hyung.”
Trying to look unaffected, I left the conference room without looking back at the manager. My tears, however, started flowing again. The sounds from the practice rooms, the cheerful laughter from other meeting rooms, the live broadcasts of senior idols interacting with fans—all of it made me feel utterly wretched.
“Fuck.”
I raced out of the company building. From that moment on, those people and I belonged to entirely different worlds.
***
Not long after, my belongings arrived at my family home. Among them, only two boxes contained remnants of my past. I chose to discard them, giving up on my dreams.
Time passed swiftly, and several years went by.
While I adjusted to life as a trainer, managing some trainees with a few fans, the colleagues I had once trained with made a decent debut. Their inherent talents, combined with the support of the agency, made them popular for a while.
Although they were overshadowed by big-label idols who debuted around the same time, they continued in the industry as entertainers and solo artists. Gradually, we became distant, barely remembering our time together.
Occasionally, when we crossed paths at broadcast stations, we would grab some meals together—either because we were former colleagues or simply because we got along. However, the camaraderie that once defined our interactions had long since faded away.
…At least, that was how it felt for them.
- Mr. Kim, have you arrived yet?
- The stage is bigger than expected during our rehearsal. The choreography doesn't quite fit. :(
- The manager will pick you up when you arrive!
I smiled as I read the flurry of messages.
'These kids.'
They were clearly nervous about their first international tour. The trainees I had once mentored had now risen to become top idols in Korea. They had garnered attention even before their debut and, unsurprisingly, clinched the first place on music shows with their debut song. Their comebacks dominated the charts, and their concert tickets sold out within seconds. One of them even made headlines for having bought an expensive apartment in Gangnam with cash.
Nonetheless, their success was somewhat expected given that they had debuted from a big agency. I had thought they would forget about me, but to my surprise, they remembered me and generously provided me with tickets and flight vouchers for their first international concert.
- Nah, your manager is too busy taking care of you guys. I'll take care of myself, so don’t worry.
As I sent the message in the group chat, a flood of pleas poured in. I then scrolled through the texts and turned off my phone, proceeding to take a swig of my beer.
“They have grown so much. I'm proud of them.”
On a plane to New York for their concert, a pang of melancholy hit me as I gazed out the window at the passing clouds.
‘I’m envious.’
Had I not suffered that accident, could I have felt this excitement as well? There had been a time when I shared the same dreams as these kids.
‘How did my life turn out this way?’
While my mentees had become a top-tier group, I still lived in a shabby, cockroach-infested room. After all, the incentives and salary I earned went straight into my skin treatments.
‘How could my life be this miserable…’
…Yes, I still could not let go of my lingering attachment to my dream.
‘Why is it only me...’
The people I had trained with did not achieve great success, but they had at least debuted. They had even gotten on the concert stage and had a chance to meet those who cheered and loved them.
I had not expected great success like the one my mentees had. However, it was so unjust that my dream had ended just because of a single lighting accident.
‘I want to go back.’
To those challenging times when I was hopeful for the future.
‘I want to go back.’
‘Had I not been the one to have that accident instead of Lee Jin-Sung…’
‘If I could go back… I would achieve my dream and freely make music.’
- Ladies and gentlemen, the aircraft is turning around due to strong winds.
Beep, beep, beep…
…Huh?
- Please lower your head! Head down! Please grab your ankles!
What?
- Pull up! Pull up!
“What the fuck is going on…”
‘Wait, I didn’t want the aircraft to go crazy. I just wanted to go back in time.’
Thud!!!
By the time I realized something was going wrong, it was already too late. After the flight attendant forcibly pushed my head down and made me grab my ankles, the last thing I heard was a deafening explosion before my consciousness drifted far away.
1. A term used by males to address or refer to older males, typically those within close proximity in age, such as older male friends or older brothers. ☜
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